Lowcarbezine!

Keto Keeters

So I recently tried Keto Keeters, a low carb soy-corn chip, in the original corn flavor. They look a lot like Fritos, and the bag reads, "Yes, now you CAN enjoy incredibly delicious corn chips without all the carbs!" And indeed, Keto Keeters have 8 grams of carbohydrate per serving (1 ounce), with 5 grams of fiber, for a usable carb count of 3 grams, plus they have 10 grams of protein. So these would be fine if they were, indeed, "incredibly delicious." If they were a tiny bit delicious. If they were 4% delicious.

But Keto Keeters suck. No, they don't just suck, they really suck. Indeed, they reach truly transcendent levels of suck-itude rarely approached, much less rivaled, in the realms of low carb specialty products. Keeters border upon the utterly inedible. I tried one chip, was incredulous at how bad it was, and tried another, just to see if it really was that bad. It was; in fact, it was even worse than I originally thought.

I took the bag home, and foisted one chip upon my unsuspecting, long-suffering husband. He dutifully chewed it up, his face registering his growing disbelief that I could feed him something so - well, sucky. He did not ask for another Keeter. I suspect if I had tried to get him to eat another, he might have called a divorce lawyer. The only reason I didn't immediately throw the rest of the bag of Keeters in the trash is that I wanted the label information for this article. Having used it, I will now dispose of the rest of the Keeters. I'm tempted to take them to the hazardous waste facility, but will probably just dump them in the trash. I could feed them to my dogs, I suppose, but I like my dogs.

How, specifically, do Keeters suck? Let me count the ways. They're cardboardy. They're soggy-stale-ish. They're un-crisp, and stick in your teeth unbecomingly. They have a really weird, un-cornchip-y flavor, with a bitter overtone of rancidity. And to top it off, they ran me $2.99 for a 2 ounce bag. Don't get me wrong; I'm willing to pay tall tickets for good low carb specialty products; I know that they use expensive ingredients. However, I resent spending this kind of money on something that - what was that word? - oh, yeah, something that sucks.

Keeters come in two other flavors: barbecue, and hot and spicy. I suppose it's just barely possible that these flavors don't suck quite so bad as the Original Corn, but I certainly won't be finding out. I mean, I'm willing to do a lot for you guys, but there are limits. I draw the line at putting even one more Keto Keeter in my mouth. I don't get paid enough for that.

There are other protein chips on the market, all of which (that I have tried) are better than Keeters, but I don't think any of the protein chips are outstanding. If you want something crunchy, I recommend that you try Just the Cheese chips, or smoke-flavored roasted almonds, or a fiber cracker, or pumpkin seeds.

Or a nice pork rind. Which brings me to an ancillary matter: I've been asked which were the pork rinds I'd given rave reviews to. There are two brands, and I love them both (and this, when I really don't care much for your average grocery store pork rind) - Gram's Gourmet, which makes Cheddar Crunchies (aka Cheetos for low carbers) and Sweet Cinnamon and Butter Crunchies, and Katiedid's Pork Rinds, who fry their rinds fresh daily, make rafts of great flavors (I adore sour cream and salsa - you'll never miss Doritos again), and ship 'em straight to your door. Gram's Gourmet's pork rinds (and their other great products) are available at retail stores that carry low carb stuff, and through all your favorite low carb etailers. Katiedid's Pork Rinds are only available through her website: http://www.geocities.com/lcporkrinds/

Just don't buy Keto Keeters. Please. I beg you. I hate losing readers.

Posted by HoldTheToast at September 18, 2003 04:17 PM